Gaby:  I’m an embarrassment to the Latin American Community.

L2:  I’m going to stop talking now before I get in trouble.

Gaby:  NOOO!  I want you to keep talking.

Thomas:  We’ll give the camera to a fat person so we can catch them if they run away with it.

L2:  I think I’m allergic to New Jersey.

Thomas:  Greg, just say the condoms are Jeremy’s.

TQ:  Well, they are Jeremy’s…and Greg’s too.

Thomas:  I’m not going to claim much more experience than a 4^th Grader.

L2:  Awww…that’s sad.

Thomas:  Bitch!

NJ Fact Book:  WWII:  Hundreds of thousands of New Jersey residents were involved in the war effort.

TQ:  And not nearly enough of them were killed.

Greg:  Someone come pump me!

Gaby:  Yeah, pump me!

Thomas:  What, Nick didn’t do a good enough job last night?

TQ:  Those guys are inside and having a circle jerk.  The least they could do is come out and pump us.

Thomas:  It’s laminated-it can do whatever it wants.

Gaby:  I suck at comebacks.

L2:  That’s why I always sleep with a little monkey.

Thomas:  (looks at Greg) That’s what she calls you?

Thomas:  Does Nick have the link for the 1806 website?

Gaby:  Does Nick lick what?  Ohhhh…I thought you said something completely different.

L2:  No, I heard it Tom.  I chose not to acknowledge it.  Grrrrrrr (she actually growled)

L2: (to Jamie) Remember on New Year’s when we wanted Jack in the Box?  That was fun.

Gaby:  I’m drowning in pillows!!!

Gaby:  (to L2) No, if it was your ass it’d be flat.

TQ: Yeah, we’re having a threesome back here.

L2:  Damn, do I have to do both of you?

TQ:  Gaby, I like your nuts.  I have your nuts in my mouth.

Greg:  (while Gaby is on the phone with her mom) Quero examiner tus pechos!!  (I want to examine your breasts)

Gaby:  (to Greg) AYYY!!  Ala Mierda!  (Oh shit!)

Gaby:  (to her mom) I’m sorry, I got confused!

L2:  CHUCKIE CHEESE’S!!!!

Gaby, Greg and TQ:  OOOOHHHHHHH!!

L2:  I’m having trouble accessing the high tech recording device right now.

Gaby:  (to L2) You smell bad.

Greg:  We need to starve ourselves more often!  4 beers and drunk is AWESOME!

Gaby:  (About her cousin) She’s never had a boyfriend.  That’s a problem.

Thomas:  Why?  That way she won’t know there’s better to be had.

Kim:  Gaby’s from Panama!

Greg:  Like the country!

TQ:  I would have totally let him (Thomas) spread his seed at BC.

Gaby:  Are they Superfans or Eagles?

Gaby:  OOOO PURELL!!!  PURELL!!! I touched Greg’s…something!!  Purell!!

Random BC D-Bag:  Hey Hoyas!  You know why you lost?  Because you work at Burger King!

L2:  They spoiled my sister as a child.  You can tell.

Thomas:  I think the scary guy in the bathroom killed Gaby.

L2:  They (1806 neighbors) don’t like cake.

Gaby:  Oh!  How could people be good and not like cake?  I’m going to do a study and find a correlation between good people and liking cake.

L2:  Are you real or fake?

Thomas:  Greg, stop driving so shitty.

Greg:  I’m TRYING!  (He then turns in front of oncoming traffic.  Everyone screams.)

L2:  I feel like I’m in a bubble.

L2:  You punched me in the face!

Thomas:  Sorry.  I was trying to suffocate you.

Gaby:  I have used the word of the day yet!

Greg:  (pouts) Me NEITHER!

L2:  Jeremy, I hate you.

Greg:  Connecticut welcomes you.  Everybody say hello.

Thomas:  Fuck off.

Greg:  This guy is riding me like it’s his job.

TQ:  Then I was like heterosexuality is fun!

You are now entering...  Gaby World:

Greg:  We’re trapped in Gaby World!

Gaby:  Yay!  I conquered!

Greg:  There are bunnies EVERYWHERE!

Greg:  BUNNIES!!!  BUNNIES!!

Gaby:  Way to burst my bubble.

L2:  My bubble is still here.

Gaby:  Yeah, but your bubble is gross.

Gaby:  You guys are mean, but I’m imagining all these things and they’re good!

L2:  I see men in tights doing spins.

Gaby:  Like Peter Pan?

Greg:  Why are there so many Gaby World stations?

Gaby:  Maybe there are a lot of people like me here.

Greg:  BUNNIES EVERYWHERE!  Connecticut is the Bunny State!

Greg:  This is when the scary guy in the bathroom shows up.

Gaby:  NO!  He’s not allowed in Gaby World.

Gaby:  I usually only dream of whales.

Greg:  That’s not that weird.  Some people dream that they’re dogs.

Thomas:  Like who?

Greg:  Ummm…me.

L2:  Do you and whales do synchronized swimming?

Gaby:  Synchronized swimming?  Who are you?

Gaby:  You’re ruining my world.  I’m not telling you anything more about my world.

Gaby:  No, no intruders.

Thomas:  Is Nick allowed in your world?

Gaby:  Ummm…depends on my mood.  I have bell to call him.

Piano Man comes on the radio:

Everyone:  YAY!!

Gaby:  Oh NO!

Greg:  Connecticut really is Gaby World.

Gaby:  No.  That is an intruder.

After Gaby World:

Thomas:  This is a fun phrase, “Because of the ease with which the political stratum can be penetrated”

Greg:  The political stratum is a slut!

TQ:  Tom, you need to get yourself a political stratum.

Thomas:  I couldn’t even get some in my dream.

TQ:  It’s good you didn’t.  Otherwise you’d have woken up dry humping Gaby’s leg.

L2:  (about Greg) Get it up, spit it out.

Thomas:  I don’t think people are going to understand these quotes.  They’re going to be like “What were you smoking” and we’ll be like “SHARPIE!”

L2:  Gaby just did Greg.

L2:  (as that phrase is written down) YOU MISSED THE REST OF MY SEMMTAANCE!!

L2:  I’m delirious!

Gaby:  I’m just being myself.  You’re weird.

Greg:  (spots a car pulling over) Fire.  Car.  On. 

Greg:  I like cruise control.  I feel like I’m a fifth passenger and the car drives itself.

L2:  Never say that out loud again.

Thomas:  (to Greg) Stop having a seizure and drive.

Gaby:  Haha.  A seizure!  Haha.  You have epilepsy!

Gaby:  No, those aren’t nuts.  Nuts are simple.

L2:  Gaby did me this time.

Greg: (to tollbooth operator) Don’t commit suicide.

Gaby: (about next tollbooth operator) He was smiling.  He must be new to his job.

L2:  Our cabdriver on New Year’s Eve drove with buttons.  He didn’t have legs.

Thomas' dinner/power hour

Jon: Girl’s jeans aren’t made for penises

L2: I don’t think there’s a part of me that doesn’t have glitter

Kristin: Woah, I didn’t spray THERE!

L1: I think that would cause some chafing

Lowen: They have creams for that, I watch daytime TV

L2: Keep writing Lowen!

Greg: I spilled beer on my dress

Greg: That wig’s gotta be driving you crazy

Kristin: It’s a little itchy around the edges

L1:Is it anatomically correct?

Tom: No, below the waist it’s all Greg

Gaby: I want to get sick on beer, not candy!

L2: If all of Greg’s bodily fluids are alcoholic, what would happen if the grandma breast fed the baby?

Ramon (shaking his ass): I’m sorry, red beans and rice didn’t miss me

Ramon: I have super sperm

Lowen: You have super camel toe

(about finding Gaby’s hat in Murph’s roommates bed)

Gaby: We were TALKING

Kristin: Well, your mouths were moving…

Thomas: And probably your tongues too

(seconds pass)

Gaby: Heeeyyyyy!!!!!

Gaby: Why am I going in the corner?

Kristin: You made me drop it

Gaby: You had a loose grip!

Thomas: Who was THAT kid?

Kristin: Jimmy, from ESCAPE

Thomas: Oh, I couldn’t tell, I can’t see English right now

Thomas: Roy!  Roy you’re awesome!  You guys are gonna be so good this year!  You’re awesome Roy, all 7’ 2” of you!  I wish I was 7’2”…when I grow up I wanna be 7’2”!  It’s my birthday!!

And then the adventures on Halloween…

Michelle: L2’s glasses are the ultimate beer goggles

Thomas: Put them on, see if Greg is hot

(Thomas puts them on in the cab later)

Oh yeah, I’d do Greg with these on

Gaby: I cheated on my driver’s test

Kristin: How?

Gaby: I paid the guy

Thomas: Hi, what does corruption mean to you?

Kristin: Gotta love those third world banana republics

Gaby: You gave half our land to Costa Rica you stupid people!

Thomas: Without us, you’d still be part of Venezuela

“We’ve heard the Navy yell…”

Kris: Yeah, Gaby has

Thomas: Oh yeah, Gaby’s DEFINITELY heard the Navy yell

Gaby: Heeeyyyyyy

L2: Woah, what did someone just say….that I was supposed to write down

Thomas: Yeah, so they would go through Panama on the way to California.  That would make it shorter?

Gaby: Yeah it was something like that.  There were more thieves the other way or something

Val ate L2’s IOU from Murph!

Greg: I have class at 10:15-I plan on puking.  My goal is to puke

Val: Stop talking about sports!  Fr. McFadden says that’s all you do!

Murph: It’s like it (an apple computer) has a condom on it

Murph: Just blow it

Gaby: What’s going on in my ass?

Random lady at Hawk and Dove, when Greg hands her his camera to take a picture of us: Umm, I’m looking at a picture of you in a bonnet…

Thomas (to Gaby): I feel like if I got you pregnant, your mom would still love me

L2: I think her mom would be happy!

Free Cab: Do you understand the nature of this service?

Thomas: Click!

L2: Greg, hopefully there’s nothing in your pants that I can make ring besides Kristin’s phone!

Thomas: are you the free cab?

Cabbie: No

Thomas: Never mind then

Thomas: Gaby, don’t talk to the random schizos

Kristin: Yeah why did you let him hug you?

Gaby: He was just lonely…

Sketchy DJ: Are you all 21?

Kristin, L2, Michelle: We could be

And finally, the COMEDIC GOLD that was Kristin, L2 and Thomas sitting around drinking in the living room

Thomas: All two of you suck

L2: All two of me?

Thomas: Yes, both of you

Thomas: Hi, this is me, I’m not really gonna object to girls fondling my face

Kristin: I just can’t get it off!

Thomas: Umm, keep stroking…yeah, keep stroking

L2: No, he was feeling up me AND Gaby in the cab

Thomas: Wow, he’s fucking (long pause)…economical

Thomas, to L2: Hi, try to be one person right now

Thomas: I could piss on the bartender and they’d let me be 21

L2: I’m gonna make you an ID right now

Kristin: OK, but make me have good hair

L2: Yeah but I’m drunk

Kristin: Tom you almost look cute and innocent when you do that, except you’re holding a High Life can

Thomas: But I’m 21, so it’s ok

Kristin: I love how L2 is the secretary bitch of the group

Thomas: Hi, Irish-Italian is not the same thing

Thomas (about L2): She’s speaking nurse

Thomas: I failed miserably at putting beer in my mouth

Thomas: That’s fucking Koz and it didn’t work!

Kristin: I wouldn’t trust your balls in the morning

Thomas (to Jaime): I’m not a good person.  I’m really not

(Kristin starts choking)

Thomas: And then I said “Hey have sex with me!” And she was like “OK”.  Wait, no, none of those words came from my mouth onto the keyboard

L2: What did you say about Koz and Miggy and the thumbs?

Thomas: L2 does not mean multiple Laurens.  It means just you

Kristin: It’s ok, I’ll just sleep on your couch next year

Thomas: No, you’ll sleep in Koz’s bed

Kristin: Oh yeah…you’ll sleep on your couch!

Thomas (to L2): I’m gonna pass the OCD part of my exam because of you

Kristin: No, wait, finish of Koz!

(Tom breaks Koz)

Thomas: No, beer cans come this way!  I feel like I should be able to move them with my mind.  Like me and beer cans should have ESPN or something, bitch.

Kristin:  JESUS IS IN THE SHOT GLASS!!

Neil Diamond-I wrote this next song after I killed a drifter to get an erection

Koz-hey, reminds me of high school

L2 to Ashley-If I were a gay, I'd do you

L1 to Michelle-your grandma had sex in your bed?

Michelle-no, you fucking retard

Thomas-I haven't got that much action since last year! (after kissing L2)

L2-I haven't got that much action since Greg

Gaby-Few people know that I'm fueled creatively by my massive hatred of immigrants

Greg-Jesus jumped off this cross too. 

Greg-Jesus doesn’t love me

L1 to Ashley-I bet all the soccer girls have really hot bodies

Michelle-I don’t have underwear on.

Gaby-That can’t be comfortable.

Greg-I need a beer… OH WAIT (removes beer from beer belt)

Gaby-Panama’s not Columbia

Tom-Dammit, now I have to burn that card (after L1 put a card in her shirt)

Sam to L1-Good Lord, you’re never coming back in this room.

L1-Oooooh, I’m grabbing Greg’s ass

L2-I sleep with a monkey every night

Gaby- My monkey is a nice monkey

Kristin-Why was L2 grabbing my ass?

Thomas-Why is Greg grinding on me?

L1-I’m refraining from being a bitch. 

Gaby-For how long?

Thomas-Slade, you better get licking

Ashley-That Miami hat is the highlight of my day

L1-You all wish you’ve had anal [sex]

Everyone-Ummmm, no.

Michelle-I’m going commando, so that wouldn’t work for me

L2-I can’t feel this right now (pushes on her breasts)

Michelle to Slade-Work it like you’ve never worked it before (before he took a body shot off of her)

L2 to Greg-Stop heavily breathing in my ear!

Gaby-Ohhhh, Koz is Val’s beer bitch

Thomas-No matter what the song says, everyone keep their clothes on

Thomas-Put Sam’s fucking deal away

L2-I swear as I was going up the elevator, I heard Val’s laugh

Val-Greg do Tom! 

Val (explaining)-For the record, I was mistaking Tom for Greg, so I said Greg … (pauses to think) Tu, Tom!

Val to Kristin-You smell like frosting.  I was going to bite.

L2-I’m short

Kristin-She doesn’t respond to Lauren or L2, but Hancock!

L1-Get to the thing that goes up and down

L2-All the cool people are nurses.

Gaby-I was thinking that the other day.

Thomas-Greg, start sucking

Thomas (about Tiger Woods hat)-It’s going to have to survive a golf party

Murph-So am I

Greg (after drinking the beers in his helmet)-I didn’t know that it was empty too.  That’s why if feels so light!

L1-I am a girl, right?

L2-I’m not sucking on his [Greg’s] neck to this song.

Michelle-I need to see a mark.

Michelle-Lauren and I just made out, and it tasted like Cheetos

Slade-Dude, your nipples are really hard.  You could cut glass with them.

Greg-Dude, have someone suck on your nipples and see how hard they get

Koz-It’s hard to find a girl in this room who hasn’t got some from Greg

L1-Now I’m sooo ugly

Michelle-Unless Slade’s gay

Kristin to L1-Are you kidding me?  You’ve never spit?

Michelle-Me!  I want one!

Michelle-I need to get more drunk before you give me a lap dance

Gaby-I get everything from Koz